Given that Christmas is now less than a week away, I wanted to use this post to wish everyone a joyous season. However, the phrase "Happy Holidays" just seems too general. No, in an effort to be more personable and yet remain politically correct (because we all know how horrible it would be if one failed to be politically correct), I just want to take a moment to wish all of you the best holiday season ever in the language that means most to you. So, here we go:
Blessed Eat a Red Apple Day (No kidding, it was December 1)
Joyous Ira Gershwin's Birthday (anyone named Ira could really use the encouragement)
Happy Frank Sinatra's Birthday (I plan on celebrating this one My Way)
Glorious Holy Crap You've Maxed Out Our Credit Cards Day
Prosperous I Spent All That Money to Watch My Kid Play with the Box Day
Happy Honey the Teenagers in the Neighborhood Rearranged Our Lighted Reindeer to Make Them Look Like They're Humping Again Day.
A Bearable I Think I'll Have More Vodka So I Can Tolerate My In-laws Day (This one is actually observed over an entire week.)
Joyful Oh Look, Uncle Fred is Burping Jingle Bells after Christmas Dinner as Usual Day
A Memorable Oh Great, My Kid Just Peed in Santa's Lap Day
A Relaxing Don't Put Your Freakin' Packages in Your Car and Make Me Think You're Pulling Out of Your Parking Space Only to Remain Parked and Return to the Mall Day
Festive Atheists Who Don't Believe in Anything But Still Want Someone to Give Them a Present Day
and the Hap-Hap-Happiest New Year you've ever had!
Joyous Holidays, Everyone! I hope it's a wonderful season for you and your family!